Is this supposed to be a dream? It shifts so quickly and
nothing seems to be connected to anything else, you talk about cigarettes then
bars and sparrows and the moon. It seems more like a stream of conciseness
piece than one of fiction. If it is a dream with different vignettes changing
as the dream goes on then wouldn’t there be a connecting theme, like falling or
running. So that no matter what the scene is it deals with the motif because
that is what the subconscious mind is going through.
It
is also easy to see there is a rhyming scheme to the lines. This gives it a
lyrical and poetic feel. It does give the story beauty, but without a structure
holding everything together it just looks like a dozen short poems put end to
end.
No comments:
Post a Comment