Pretend Games- workshop

Pretend games is about two girls playing and what happens when the playing becomes real. There doesn’t seem to be a clear conflict or resolution with the story. If the conflict is that E wants to run away then it ends with her being found, if it’s about how these girls want to switch lives then we need to see more of Tay. Since this is a third person narrator it can go into Tay’s thoughts about E and her life. But there should to be one over-arcing conflict that the characters try to resolve otherwise what’s the point of their actions.

I would have liked to see more about Tay’s life. Why does she hide on the shed roof and leave with De De? Who’s truck was in the driveway? Maybe a section that follows Tay after E leaves that shows what her life is like might explain why she is running away. There is a lot of potential in a story where both girls envy the other’s life, when in reality both are flawed and painful. Prince and pauper. 

Give The Water The Rest

Give the water the rest is an interesting fantasy story about a true monster. The opening describes Emile as someone with scales and gills in water, but it isn’t until later on that we find out that he and his sister are mermaids. At first I thought maybe he was an alligator, but when he could walk around like a human I thought maybe a shark hybrid, because he describes his shark teeth. While it is clear from the beginning that he is not human it is not completely clear that he is a mermaid until it is told to the audience.

The story is very interesting and moves at a very bisque pace, making it easy to read. I am wondering about the mermaid world. Are they the only mermaids? What is their life like when they’re not killing or raping humans? Also eternal youth is mentioned in the end. If that is something they have then maybe that should up earlier and play a bigger role.

Annunciation- workshop

Annunciation begins with a story about a girl at church that turns into a nightmare about a girl in a church. The transition from story about church to a story about rape is very subtle and well built to. It isn’t this sudden change but a slow progression. When the pastor first comes into the room he does have a very kind tone to him and we think that this is going to be a 7^th heaven moment, where she tells him her fears and he helps her. Then his words sound creepy, but could be argued as otherwise. Then he sets his words to actions and it all comes together.  

I would have like to know more about the narrator. Who she is? What is this church? What’s her history with it? And maybe an explanation on what is going on. Is this something all Christians do because I’ve only seen this on TV. Similarly I would like to see what is going on in her mind during the rape. We get a very visual image of what is happening without it being graphic or grotesque, but we never see what is going on inside her head. This will give a better idea about who she is and ultimately make her a much fuller and more sympathetic character.

Sea Oak- critique

George Saunders’s Sea Oak starts with introducing the family this story revolves around. There’s the narrator, who has to strip to earn a living, his sister and cousin who must juggle studying for the GRE, raising two babies, and watching trash TV, and the Aunt. She is made to be the most saintly character in fiction. She’s had a rough life with nothing other than work and taking care of her nieces and nephew. She is a paragon of hope optimism, and then she dies. It is so sudden and out of nowhere that it takes the reader by surprise. Especially when we find out that she was killed by freight. Not the person that robbed her, or the guns that went off what seems like the night before, but being scared by a burglar. But it’s ok because she comes back to life and goes back to the apartment to see her family. 

            Aunt Bernie coming back comes out of nowhere and turns this sadly truthful story into a weird trip. It has great potential for a lot of socio-economic commentary, and some is there. But because it changes genres from realistic drama to horro/sci-fi it takes the reader out of reality and thus undermines it messages.

looking for jason- workshop

Looking for Jason is a story of a man searching for his missing son. It is an incredibly emotional situation that has great potential, but avoids the emotional aspect. The story revolves around a man who goes to the outskirts of town to the woods to search for his son, then his reluctance to leave without him. The story mentions the man’s dead wife, and his son’s absence but it seems cold and devoid of heart. Even though I intellectually know the stakes and dilemma the man must be in, he doesn’t allow the reader to feel the stakes. This could be because we never see him express emotion. He seems to be angry in the beginning when he yells at the kids by the levee, but that could just be because they aren’t listening to him, and not out of concern for his son. The scene with him telling stories to Cassie is a great scene and can give a great insight into the character, but even that seems a little cold. Like he wants to express regret and pain, but can’t. And if that is who the character is, unfeeling, that could be a very interesting story, but then the reader needs to see the emotion he won’t show other characters, or admit to himself.

proceed to checkout- workshop

Proceed to Checkout is a look into Martha, a Kleptomaniac’s life. I like how it starts, with a receipt, but it doesn’t really fit if she is stealing, she wouldn’t get a receipt. That makes it confusing in the end when it shows a receipt for the cigarettes; it has a line for tax. So did Seth steal them, buy them, or did Martha buy them for him? Either option is interesting but the ambiguity is just confusing. I think if it’s stolen then the receipts should not resemble store receipts. It could have a zero for total, but it shouldn’t look like what a store gives.

            I also feel like this story is cut short. It ends with what looks like the opening to another story, Seth’s story. That’s something I would like to read. Is it his side of the story? His adventures? Why he went to the store with Martha to sit out in the car, wouldn’t he be better used out front as a distraction or companion? The relationship seems to be very deep and meaningful and yet we see so little of it. At first I forgot Martha was only 23 and thought she was an older mother figure to him. She still could be, or a sisterly person, or there could be some sexual tension that would make the relationship more complicated and interesting.    

blackwater men- workshop

BlackWater Men is a look into the friendship and development of two Native American boys. The story has a full arc, starting with the boys as freshmen in high school and continuing through early manhood. Making the title very sound. It starts by introducing the blackwater boys, and ends with the blackwater men driving off, never to return. Because it is a longer story it is able to follow the lives of these two boys, though mostly just Fresco, without missing or skipping anything that would be important.

            I think the stakes in this story are very palpable and relatable. The first half is about two kids doing stupid stuff in high school, a period of life marked by stupid decisions. They aren’t killing people or stealing cars, they’re raiding liquor cabinets and smoking cigarettes at parties. Then they move up to harder and more intense crimes, like meth and scamming a casino. It is a logical progression that increases the stakes and possibility of punishment. This ground in reality makes the characters real and relatable, and the events of the story believable.    

Xmas, Jamaica Plain- Critique

This is a very interesting story, both in structure and ideas. The story only loosely follows a linear progression; it does go forward but often goes back to the beginning and the idea that the narrator is the reader’s worst fear. It will often reference what happens to Emile before we actually find out. This does make it a little confusing at time, referencing something we haven’t learned yet, but after finishing it and looking back it makes sense, and it is realistic to how people talk in real life.

            I also found it very similar goldie locks and the three bears. The couple tries the baby’s bed and it’s not good enough so they move on, eating the food, then fall asleep. The difference is, it’s the bears, the dirty ones who live outside mostly who break into the blonds’ house.

            It also has an interesting point of view. We are seeing a crime from the criminal’s point of view, and it makes the criminal a very sympathetic character. The protagonist is an ideal example of an anti-hero. She’s a prostitute, drug user, and she is breaking into a family’s house, but we see her struggle so that despite everything we still want her to succeed. We see what a hard life she leads and what her to be happy, and mourn when she loses the closest person in her life.   

The Kind of Light that Shines on Texas- critique

Reginald McKnight’ The Kind of Light that Shines on Texas is an intense story about a young black boys experience with bullying and racism in his middle school in 1960’s Texas. What is surprising about the story is that for the most part the racism is understated. Like the jokes that the teacher tells the class, she says it’s all in the name of fun, but they are still racist. Or how the other kids ignore him for the most part. It only seems to be Oakley that was blatantly racist just to be racist. Everyone else seemed to be, but he was the one that really showed it and didn’t hide it.

            It was very interesting to read, I could really feel for the boy and wanted him to succeed. I do want to know what happened afterwards, to him and his family, especially his father. Although saying he was stationed in Vietnam gives the connotation and foreboding that he does not come home in one whole piece. I did find his adoration and desire to be just like his father very true and could defiantly relate to it.          

Consequences-workshop

Consequences in a story that doesn’t so much bend time, as ignore it completely. It seems to be three stories told side by side. Luckily the opening tells the reader that time is meaningless so when it bounces from time to time the shock is not so great. The story seems to be written by Dr. Manhattan the way it has all time and place going simultaneously. But at least with watchmen there was a visual indicator which time was which. And so does this story. Something small like font of margin could help the reader to distinguish between timelines. Also the characters are not fully explained and it is hard to keep track of who is doing what. It needs to be easy for the reader to read or they won’t bother to. But the play on time and space is always fun to think about.   

      If you are going to have a plot/subplot about killing God and alternate universes I think the universe the story is in needs some background and explanation, so the reader can know if it's a metaphoric killing or a literal murder of a being. 

Backseat Boy-workshop

Backseat boy is a disturbing account of a mother’s affair with a bag boy in the local grocery store. I have to wonder how old the girl was that’s narrating the story. If she’s old enough to know what an affair is and understand what’s going on with her mother why is she not doing anything? If she knows she is only going to the store as an alibi why does she keep going? Does she have a confrontation with her mother? Her father? Did she see the affair? She talks about the night she thinks it started, did she walk in on them having sex? Very little is answered or discussed in the story.

            It is hard to get to know/care about the characters. The mother is obviously not supposed to be a sympathetic character but the narrator and her sister are and yet we know very little about them. If she tells her mother what she doesn’t want to hear then give an example of a time she did that. Was it about the affair?

Departure-workshop

Departure uses detailed imagery not only of what is seen, but what is heard. It opens with the light from the street mixing with the painted ceiling to create a patch of gold. It starts with a colorful image that draws the reader into the story. Later on it talks about the creaking of the floorboards and the blare of the alarm. It evokes a lot of senses and makes the action feel real.

            I do think though that we do not get enough information on the protagonist. Why is she sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to Boston? What is the relationship she has to her mother that makes the end so emotional? Why is this the last night she will be home? If we know this then the stakes would be higher and we would have a better idea of why she does what she does.

            I also feel like it ended too soon. There’s no resolution about anything. Does “released her mother” mean she emotionally let go and then physically left? Does her mother try any other tactics to keep her a few hours longer? It is open-ended which is fine, but because we know so little about the protagonist it is hard to know what she will do next.

Lust- critique

Susan Minot’s story Lust is almost a list of all her sexual experiences as a teenager. She goes over the men she’s been with, when, where, how it was, and how she feels about it. The story sacrifices quality for quantity, which could be said to be the narrator’s life story when it came to sex. Instead of discussing one or two lovers in depth she gives short scenes and descriptions about several. Often lumping them all together as just men in general. While it might be nice to know more about the men she finds herself with, and their relationship, much can be gleaned by her generalizations and the idea that there is little difference between the boyfriends.  

The tone of this story is vey depressed. She laments her lovers and says she’s ashamed. She uses the metaphor that every lover a woman has is like taking a petal off a flower. She feels like she is losing herself but she can’t stop herself because she can’t turn the boys down for dates and if she goes on a date she has to do something because she doesn’t want to be a tease. She’s caught in a vicious circle and she knows she is but still can’t manage to escape.  

promise-workshop

It seems rare to get a story told almost entirely in second person. Most are in third or first person, or will have dialogue and some description in second person, but this story is entirely in second and it makes it personal. This isn’t a story about a girl’s anxiety or past, but the reader’s. They are the ones sitting in the orchestra and listening to the music. This pulls the reader even further into the story because they have a vested interest. It does also sound like how a person really talks to him/herself. The voice in our head addresses us in the second person and that is the narrator, the little voice in our head; the source of most anxiety.  

I think the structure is interesting. It begins in the present and then moves between the present and the past, but it does so in logical places. So this really does sound like a stream of thought going back and forth throughout time and space.

perfection-workshop

When writing about art it can be difficult to get the images across to the reader but in this case it worked perfectly. Even though I could not visually see the art that was in the story, it was described in such a way, that I could easily imagine it. It was also very easy to understand and relate to the protagonist. He had a clear objective, recreate the portrait and thus prove that he could still create beauty, and a logical mean of achieving it, paint until it’s perfect. There was not anything that was forced or untruthful about it. Because the idea is simple it feels real.

           

 On page 4 you talk about the accident where he lost his hand and I feel like that is unnecessary. We already know he lost his hand in an accident of some kind, having it explained breaks from the action of painting and just sounds like exposition for the sake of it. A little ambiguity is fine, we know the basics, and that’s all we need to know.

in hours of autumnal sleep- workshop

Is this supposed to be a dream? It shifts so quickly and nothing seems to be connected to anything else, you talk about cigarettes then bars and sparrows and the moon. It seems more like a stream of conciseness piece than one of fiction. If it is a dream with different vignettes changing as the dream goes on then wouldn’t there be a connecting theme, like falling or running. So that no matter what the scene is it deals with the motif because that is what the subconscious mind is going through.

           

 It is also easy to see there is a rhyming scheme to the lines. This gives it a lyrical and poetic feel. It does give the story beauty, but without a structure holding everything together it just looks like a dozen short poems put end to end.  

Cute without the "E"-workshop

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It’s an interesting story from an interesting point of view. I enjoy stories told from new points of view, especially when they are inanimate objects. It makes you think about how these tools and objects we use see us. I do feel the beginning makes the story harder to understand by trying to trick the reader into thinking the narrator is a human. The third sentence says, “I’m not really even a social person.” You open by calling the narrator a person, and when we find out it’s a knife on page two it breaks up the flow, because I had to go back to see if I missed a detail where you said it was a knife. It makes the story harder to get into, because now it’s like the reader has to start over again.

I also find the number of victims unrealistic for such an incompetent killer. It says he killed thirty-five women, and was only “caught” because a cop car just happened to be driving past that very ally at that very moment he was killing the woman. Not to mention he uses the same weapon for each murder and started with his wife. Did no one notice she disappeared? Did Bill report her missing? If he didn’t it’s suspicious. If he did he would be a suspect. For this story to work he would have to be a criminal mastermind, who he doesn’t seem to be, and the police would have to be completely worthless. This makes the story untruthful and hard to swallow.

communist critique

Richard Ford’s Communist tells the story of a young boy who goes hunting with a man that used to be romantically linked to his mother. It is odd how the boy is so indifferent to a man he says he likes. He enjoys his conversations and his description of his hunts and trips to Asia, and yet doesn’t care if he marries his mother. When he leaves, presumably for good, he couldn’t care less; an unexpected response for the man that showed him the spectacle of the geese. Another oddity about Glen Baxter is that it is rare in the story for him to be identified as anything else. It seems only in dialogue where Glen is easier is his surname not mentioned. Perhaps this is to demonstrate that they were never close, you never call family or close friends by their full names, just strangers and people who are known by their full names, i.e. historical figures/celebrities. The fact that he is almost always referred to by his full name might indicate that Glen Baxtor is a name that the audience (or people in the fictional universe of the story) would or should recognize.

Chimera workshop

Chimera seems to be two stories told side by side. One is the story of Harold, an accountant that is trying to sell fifteen years worth of dreams. The other story is Rashid the owner of the dream store that Harold goes to. I think that either both stories need to be more fully developed or one should be cut. Harold’s story does compose most of the drama, but by the end it is more about how Rashid see’s Harold and other customers that come to him and less about Harold. Rashid is giving Harold advice, but who is he? I think either he needs more development and growth or the story needs to be completely about Harold with very little Rashid.

I think Harold also needs some more background information. We are never told why Harold is trying to sell his dreams, his parents seemed to be wealthy so why is he so desperate for money? What happens to Harold after the sale? He leaves and we stay with Rashid in the store. Is this new customer on the phone supposed to be the next Harold selling his dreams for cash? Then maybe we should see Rashid’s sale pitch, how does he get people to sell their dreams for so little money?    

the phantasy of he

The Phantasy of He is a fantastical story about a young boy that learns to confront his dreams and make them what he wants them to be. And in the end shows his dream off for the world to see.

I love how the boy’s dream is a real tangible object. It makes the story and the ideas behind it much more intriguing. It’s not the boy changing his mind or feelings, but taking this black object out from his ear and sewing all his favorite things to it. He literally makes his dream his own creation instead of being ruled by it despite what everyone else tells him. I think it’s a message that always needs to be retold, and doing it with a literal dream makes gives it a childish touch of fantasy.

I think it is a good choice that everything is told from the child’s point of view. The voice sounds so innocent and childlike. Like when he does what he is told so he won’t be reprimanded by the grownups. That is how a child would rationalize.even the word choice sounds child-like at times, and then very sophisticated in others, but I think the blend works.

what wasn't said workshop

What Wasn’t Said is a bromatic story that went wrong. It seems like these two guys had a special relationship until they had a falling out. If that's the central part of the story then that moment needs to be bigger. It’s weird that the narrator would stop being friends with Peers because he picked a guy up. I think Peers needs to do something more outrageous, because being a little embarrassed is a weak excuse to stop being friends with someone. It makes the friendship itself look weak if that’s all it took to end it. It could be small if this was just the latest of a series of events, a straw that broke the camels back.

One part that was out of place was the dream sequence. Peers has a dream about a shark like Virgin Mary and the narrator is trying to drive into her. It doesn’t seem to connect to the story or characters at all. If we knew Peers was religious then the virgin part would make sense, but the driving aspect is out of nowhere. If the story is going to have a dream either the symbolism has to work for the story, or the motivation behind telling it does. Is Peers telling this strange story so the narrator will talk to him about it? If so that should be made clearer. 

the man with two souls workshop

I think the premise behind The Man with Two Souls is very interesting. At first I thought the title was metaphoric and symbolic, like a man with two faces. But then at page three the protagonist has the conversation with “himself” and we realize he really is someone else. I like how he tries to figure out who he is, using business cards and maps. I think it’s really creative how he is living this stranger’s life. I would like to know why he’s in this person’s body and how it happened, but that’s just personal curiosity, I think the story is OK with out that knowledge, because that’s not what the story is about. It’s not about the how it happens, but what to do now that it already has.

I do think we need to get a better sense of who the guy who is being possessed is normally. Nobody picks up on him acting like a different person, not even his girlfriend. I think there should be some action he does that could expose him. Like being nice to a person ‘he’ has a rivalry with, or ordering something at the restaurant ‘he’ is allergic to. Small clues that no body picks up because he can think fast and talk his way out of it. It also makes sense since he is a different person.  

Caviar critique

T.C. Boyle’s Caviar is an interesting story featuring a fisherman, his wife and the surrogate mother of their child. The way the story is written it sounds like the fisherman is telling the story to a friend over beers. He continuously goes off topic, talking about a tangent thought or event and bring it back with “anyway,” as if he was speaking and this was just one of his habits. It does however, allow for a great deal of detail and exposition to be given without completely ruining the flow of the story. He can talk about an affair he had years ago, or what kind of fish he would reel in during a season and then bring it back to the main story about the baby.

I did find it interesting how the narrator not going to college became a big part of his identity. The first sentence of the story states he didn’t go to college, as if that detail is the first thing the audience should know about him. Not what he does or where he lives, but the fact that he didn’t go to college is the thing that people should know “right off.” And in the end it’s the reason Wendy leaves him, because she would rather be with a doctor than a fisherman that didn’t go to college. Maybe this shows that the narrator feels that if he did go to college he would have gotten Wendy or not inherited his father’s life. That if he did his life would be better in some part.     

A Trip to the Desert Workshop

A Trip to the Desert is a very emotional story, but it takes a very short amount of time to go through. I’m not saying the story is too short (that’s the point of a short story, to be short) but in the story it doesn’t account for any time not mentioned in the story itself. The narrator never hints at events that occur that are not mentioned, so we have to assume that what is mentioned is the entirety of her visit, which would only be about ten minutes. They say hello, enter the house, have coffee, talk, she shows designs, finds out the husband is dead, cries, comforts, talks, and leaves. If you want it to be a quick visit, then make it intentional, you say she doesn’t want to spend the night; so maybe they visited later in the day so she would only have to be there for a few minutes. Or mention a conversation or event that took too long to be completely covered in a short story.   

Also, I think the birds should play a bigger part in the story, they are mentioned in the beginning and end, but not in the middle. If they are a big part of the mother’s life then have them walk across the table, or squawk the entire time they’re there. This could become another reason Cassie doesn’t want to be in the house or around her mother.  

Imitation workshop

The characters in Imitation are interesting, and yet true characters, and there is a great deal of mystery surrounding them. How exactly they met, what Andrew did to get his money, what he thought of the woman, are questions that are never answered in the story and I think that works for this. It comes across to me like the woman is inexperienced in the world and does not really know how to survive, so it makes sense she would go back to a man’s place that she did not know and allow him to paint her naked when he didn’t even know her name. So the audience shouldn’t know too much information because our protagonist does not know that much either.

One thing I noticed is that because there is a great deal of dialogue the story resembles a play. I’m not saying that’s bad, I love reading plays myself, but if you wanted to stay clear of that medium you might want to think about breaking up the dialogue with more action or description. She asks, “We’re taking off now?” but what is she thinking? Doing? What is her body language saying, or his body language? This could make the image of the story more complete and rely less on dialogue.  

Nothing Ever Happens workshop

Nothing Ever Happens is bursting with colorful imagery. The first sentence talks about “crystalline water,” then a “pink ruffled flower.” The story ends with Elijah looking at a “world of color and life,” and color is everywhere in this story. His red blood, glassy eyes, brown hair, every item or event is described using color and imagery to give a better understanding of the action. What makes the imagery work is that it is not used once or twice to describe a few but crucial details it describes everything. It tells a mini-story about a child playing baseball just to describe sweat. It fills the entire story, which is wonderful, but can also be used as a crutch.

            Elijah only changes as a character in the last few lines. He goes from begging God for his life to totally accepting his fate in no time at all. It’s a 180-degree change that only happened in the last few lines of the story. If the story is about your character coming to terms with his own mortality and understanding that he lived a good life, then we need to see what triggers that change. If this is a dream did he see something that reminded him of his fiancé, or his family? Maybe he should be freaking out more in the beginning to show the gradual change.

 
Also, try to avoid starting sentences with “He,” after a while it gets distracting and repetitive.     

david gold- hurricane workshop

The transition in the beginning of the Hurricane from the bon fire to the beach is very abrupt to the point where it is hard to tell where there characters are. They are instantly outside the pier fence in Tony’s truck about to hop the fence with no mention of the end of the fire or a discussion with the narrator, who has been silent so far, about why he came to the pier. In fact the narrator says very little actual words, not that it’s a bad thing, but it should be considered.  

Because most of the story is from the point of view of the narrator there is a great deal of imagery that I think really works in the story. Because this is a violent storm it needs to be described, not just clouds but the waves, the pier, and how the narrator feels. I do think you could include more dialogue and description from/about the narrator because we know very little from this story. What is his relationship to tony that he would follow him into a storm? What is his level of experience? How old is he? I think some more depth into the characters and their relationship will complement the imagery and make the story much fuller.    

david gold- milk and snails workshop

One element that was unclear while reading Milk and Snails was whom the characters are. Some details are given about Jenny, that she’s a ballerina that just got married, and that she has an eating disorder. However, very little else is discussed about her. With the way she treats her younger sister and acts she appears to be the stereotypical bitchy older sister; the kind depicted in children movies from the ‘80’s and ‘90’s. Because we only see her in these two short scenes she is not allowed to have any sort of arc or character development, making her come off as a little flat and one dimensional.

The other character in the story, the narrator, is also given sparse description and development. Most of what is in the story is the narrator complaining about her sister. Little is said about who she is. It feels as if she is only there to talk about how crazy and obnoxious her sister is with no regard for her own goals and desires. Is she secretly jealous of her sister’s dancing abilities? Does she have to fight for her parents’ attention? Who is this brother-in-law? Who is this narrator? I can understand why dramatically it makes sense to end with the line about bulimia and baby fat, but it does leave a lot to be desired for in terms of emotional response.   

david gold- the secularist workshop

I found the metaphor of The Secularist very thin, but still interesting. Just from the name of the story it seems clear that this will be looking into secularism and religion, and it doesn’t disappoint. I found it interesting that anyone who has contact with the devil has to be killed. Almost as if anyone that is contacted by a deity or supernatural power can no longer be trusted. The girl’s people do not call on gods for help because praying didn’t do anything. And the secularist travels around to free people of their bonds and ties to gods and devils; almost like a reverse missionary. I’m not saying the message is bad or should be removed, but as I said before, the metaphor is very thin. Just because it sounds like a mystic world, with elders and sacrifices does not disguise what the hidden meaning of the story is.    

I enjoyed the character arc of the woman. It felt real how she could go from scared and shy to brave and ready to die for her people. It was a slow build that took the entire story to unfold, so it didn’t seem rushed in any parts, but a natural progression. And the secularist was simply there to help her get to that point, and he did. 

david gold-hitting hard workshop

Hitting Hard does just that, hit the audience. It’s a violent story, not just physically but emotionally and visually. The language makes it sound as if every word of dialogue is screamed or backed up with intense anger. The characters are not holding back anymore, not being polite or fake, this is them angry and they want the other person to know it. It starts and she’s already angry that he didn’t call her, the smell of the food makes her sick, the man wants to ignore her, they’re both upset and we get that from the first page, and it sets the mood for the rest of the story.

But by the end we see these two people bare their souls to each other in a very gentile and romantic way. We can see why these two people fell in love to begin with. And even when Maddie threatens his life it’s a sweet romantic threat, like a playful hit. It ends with hope and a belief that these people will live happily ever after, not because they should, but because they will help each other and work to reach that point.

That change from fighting and hitting to love and hope rings true. These people might be yelling, but they do love each other and that definitely shows.    

david gold- tiny smiling daddy critique

A major problem for me in Tiny Smiling Daddy is the end. There is no resolution, not with kitty, the father or Marsha. The story just ends. It flashes back to a pivotal moment is the relationship between kitty and her father and then the story ends. The audience never finds out what happens when kitty and her father talk again, how the article affects them, or really what the article says. The story only shows snip bits of the article, and talks about how the father does not understand what she’s writing about, so it is difficult for the audience to know what the article is really about. We get clues and quotes, but I can’t help but think there is more to the article than just that. The story doesn’t even end with an indication it is going to move forward. Marsha sits on the couch and nothing else ever happens to these characters ever again.   

I also had trouble sympathizing with the father. At times he seemed pathetic then like a good man who didn’t deserve to be treated so harshly, at other times though, he just seemed like a bastard. Especially at the end when he yells at kitty for being a lesbian. It’s hard to like him through out the entire story.  

David Gold- We Didn't critique

Stuart Dybek’s We Didn’t is an uncomfortable read. It starts off with a Green Eggs and Ham like list of all the places they didn’t. It takes a second to realize what they didn’t do, that is each other. Then it goes into some graphic detail about the first time they have/attempt to have sex. Reading it made me feel very uncomfortable, like noticing a neighbor didn’t close their bedroom blinds before bedtime and you can see everything their doing. It sounds so private and intimate, and yet its being described and remembered in perfect detail for the audience. I’m not saying it’s bad, or that this shouldn’t be in stories, but it did elicit a powerful emotional response from me, namely awkwardness at being a part of this intimate act between lovers.

I find it interesting when the story takes a sharp turn from a romantic night on the beach to a ‘murder’ mystery from the point of view of a bystander. It is a point of view that is rarely explored, cops, victims, loved ones, even the murderers themselves have countless stories from their perspective. It seems rare though, that anyone care about the people on the beach that see the body when it’s discovered. The people with no connection to the victim, and thus have to guess what happened. That story alone would be interesting, but having it mixed into a graphic love story between two teenagers makes it truly a unique and intriguing read.