The transition in the beginning of the Hurricane from the bon fire to the beach is very abrupt to the
point where it is hard to tell where there characters are. They are instantly
outside the pier fence in Tony’s truck about to hop the fence with no mention
of the end of the fire or a discussion with the narrator, who has been silent
so far, about why he came to the pier. In fact the narrator says very little
actual words, not that it’s a bad thing, but it should be considered.
Because most of the story is from the point of view of the
narrator there is a great deal of imagery that I think really works in the
story. Because this is a violent storm it needs to be described, not just
clouds but the waves, the pier, and how the narrator feels. I do think you
could include more dialogue and description from/about the narrator because we
know very little from this story. What is his relationship to tony that he
would follow him into a storm? What is his level of experience? How old is he?
I think some more depth into the characters and their relationship will
complement the imagery and make the story much fuller.
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